If you ask me, Kurt, Idon’t think you are over this man. Those conflicted thoughts are proof that heis still a very strong and lasting presence in your consciousness.” 咨询师最后这句话的中文忘记写了,补上: 如果要我说, Kurt, 我认为你没有跨过他这个坎。你这些矛盾的想法本身证明,他在你的意识当中仍然是一个相当持久而强大的存在。
第二十三章 Chapter 23 “Baby, how long do you think an average human can live,without disasters or diseases getting in the way?” Blaine asked Kurt one lazy summer afternoon after satisfying and exhaustinglove-making. “宝贝,人没病没灾能活多久呢?”夏日午后,时光慵懒,两人交欢,筋疲力尽、心满意足后,Blaine这么问Kurt。 “dunno. 200 years? “ said a smiling Kurt, face to facewith his sweaty boyfriend on the bed, “why ask?” “不知道啊。二百年?”Kurt躺在床上笑着,看他浑身是汗的男友,“干嘛问啊?” “Because…I don’t think I will ever get enough of you evenafter a lifetime of 200 years, or five lifetimes for that matter.” Blaine’s bigbright eyes were glistening for anyone with half a brain to see how much lovehe had for his Kurt. “因为……就算过了一辈子,两百年,或者过了五辈子,我也要不够你。”Blaine眼睛大而亮,湿润着,再傻的人都看得出,他对他的Kurt有多爱。 This image of the past passed through his mind when Kurtsuddenly woke up from his dreams in the dead of the night, his fiancé fastasleep and slightly snoring beside him. Kurt深夜梦醒,过去情境一闪而过,而他的未婚夫在身边,熟睡打着轻鼾。 The truth about humanity is that they always yearn forsomething that does not belong to them, always wonder what it would be like if thingshad been different, always ask themselves what if they could change the past…justas Kurt kept asking himself these questions all the time: what if he had beenmore patient and tolerant towards Blaine? What if he had had more faith intheir relationship? What if he had not been bothered so much then by hiscareer? 人性本身如此,总是渴望不是自己的一切,总是悬想,时移世易会如何,总是诘问,过去时光能否重来……就像Kurt,总是问自己这些问题:当时对Blaine更宽容耐心又当如何?当时对感情更有信心又当如何?当时若不困窘于事业又当如何? But he could never find an answer for any of thesequestions. Because the thing about time is that it is a river flowing forwardnot backward. And it is no use trying to catch life of the past amid thecurrents of the present. 然而对他来说,这些问题,无一能找到答案。因为时间是一条滚滚向前的河,从不倒流,在当下的湍流中又如何能抓住过去的生命呢? (TBC) 待续
He turned several pages backward and chanced upon aletter written by Edward to Randy at wartime: “…I don’t know what god has beenwatching over me but I was a lucky man, my dear boy. That was a narrow escape Ihad in the last battle. Now I am in the hospital in Sicilia, wounded in theabdomen and left leg. But judging from what I gathered from the doctor and nurses,I will be fine in a month or so. I feel it a miracle that I somehow slippedfrom the claws of death. I was lying there, in the long grasses, life going outof my body as blood kept gushing out of the wounds. So I thought to myself thatwas the end of everything. My body felt as light as a feather, my eyes fixatedon the azure sky, the color of which reminded me of your eyes. I looked andlooked and I just did not want to give up yet. I can’t not come back to you,the love of my life…” 他往回翻了几页,看到一封Edward写给Randy的信:“…我不知道是何方神祇在护佑我,可我真算是个幸运的人,亲爱的男孩。上次战役中我险些丢了性命。现在我在西西里岛的医院,腹部和左腿受伤。但是从医生和护士的话里听来,我过一个月就会没事的。在死神爪下脱逃,想来真是奇迹。那时候我躺在长草丛里,血液从伤口涌出,而生命也逐渐流失。所以我想,这就走到头了吧。我的身体像羽毛一样轻盈,眼睛注目着碧蓝的天空,那颜色让我想起你的眼睛。我看着,看着,我不想放弃。我想回到你的身边,我的爱啊。”
The day eventually came when arrangements were made forBlaine to shoot the battle scene. And when Blaine was fully equipped as asoldier Kurt found his own eyes wandering to his compact muscular body clothedin army uniform. Blaine looked so hot like this, if one ignored the blood and dusthe was covered in, but even all that had somehow added to the masculineattractiveness of his person. Yet, all those thoughts went away when Kurt sawBlaine as Edward fight and fall. It was so real so vivid that Kurt felt as if Blainehad died right in front of him. That his worst nightmare had materialized. The gushingblood. The fallen body. The dull eyes. Tears were pricking the back of hiseyes, threatening to run down his face. He covered his mouth with his hand, tooworked up to keep his cool. 那一天剧组安排Blaine拍摄战斗场面。当Blaine出现的时候,他已经全副武装成士兵的模样,Kurt发觉自己不由自主地看向他身着军装的精悍体魄。Blaine看起来真是性感极了,如果忽略掉他身上那些血迹和尘土的话,然而即使这些也只是增加了他的男儿英气。但这些想法在Kurt看到Blaine饰演的Edward力战不支而受伤倒地的时候都烟消云散了。那太逼真太鲜明,仿佛Blaine就这么死在他面前。仿佛他的噩梦真正发生了。那涌出的鲜血,那倾倒的身体,那没有生气的眼睛。泪水刺痛他的眼底,堪堪忍住,没有决堤而出,他用手掩住嘴,心神大乱,再也无法平静自如。